


I'm Sorry, Goodbye

by ChaosAngel1111



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Pro'ly a lot of feels too, Self Harm, Sorry Not Sorry, attempted suicide, happy ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 06:55:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1769773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaosAngel1111/pseuds/ChaosAngel1111
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just wanna let you guys know that I hate how this came out</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Eren read the note over and over again, eyes barely able to make out the words in the dim light. Eventually he decided that he hadn't left anything out and he set the note down on the desk.

He took a deep breath, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to escape his throat. He'd already given up on holding back the tears and they streamed down his cheeks freely, not showing any sign that they would stop soon. The teen took a few moments to calm himself before grabbing the knife that he had taken from the kitchen.

Eren stood from his chair on shaky legs and made his way to the bathroom - which was connected to the bedroom. He looked into the mirror above the sink and his reflection stared back at him with bloodshot eyes. The teen was a complete mess and he found it hard to tear his eyes away from the image of what he had become.

And then he heard the sound of keys turning in a lock.

Eren's eyes widened. Dammit, he was taking too long. He locked the bathroom door hurriedly and pulled his clothes off as quick as he could before jumping into the bath. The water was freezing, any colder and it would have been ice. Shivering, Eren picked up the knife, which had been dropped in his rush, and pressed the tip to his left wrist.

He dragged the knife down his arm and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from hissing at the pain, it hurt like a son of bitch. He took the knife into his other hand loosely and cut a jagged line down his right arm, but it wasn't deep enough and he had to do it again, then the knife was dropped into the water.

The tears began to stream down the boy's cheeks again at the excruciating pain in his arms and it took so much effort to stop from crying out. The water was almost completely red, the low temperature making his blood flow faster, making him bleed out quicker. Eren could faintly hear his name being called, could hear the other person's attempts to open the door.

He choked out one last 'I'm sorry, goodbye' before his world went black.

~~~KMD~~~

Levi let out a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him. He was finally home and couldn't wait to curl up on the sofa with Eren and watch late night reruns of old shows.

He slipped off his shoes, placed them on the rack neatly, then shrugged of his coat and hung it on a hook as he called, "Eren! I'm back!" Levi padded into the living room and saw that it was empty. Strange. Eren would normally be seated in the arm chair reading a book or watching TV at this time.

Levi frowned slightly and headed to the kitchen, "Eren? You in here?" No sign of Eren.

The man sighed and turned towards the stairs, "Eren! Are you even home you shitty brat?" He continued to look around, calling Eren's name.

The last place he checked was their shared bedroom, and that's where he found the slightly crumpled piece of paper, placed neatly in the centre of his desk, Eren's messy hand writing scrawled across it.

Eren must have gone out and left him a note instead of texting him, 'He probably lost his mobile again, dumb brat.'

Levi picked up the note and began to read, and it didn't take him long to realise that this was a suicide note.

_'To anyone who bothers to read this,_

_I can't take it anymore, it feels like every one has turned against me. The people who I thought were my friends started to treat me like a disease, always avoiding me, and when I tried to start a conversation, they just told me to go away, they told me I wasn't wanted._

_Now they just completely ignore me, they don't talk to me in person, don't call, don't text, don't email. Nothing. And when I try to ask why, I am now answered with silence. They act as if I'm not even there, they act as if they can't here me crying and pleading and begging them to just look at me._

_They've told me that nobody cares about me anymore, told me I'm worthless, I'm trash. They told me that killing myself would be the best thing to do._

_I don't even know what I've done to make them act like this, and that is the thing that hurts the most. Not knowing what I did. I've been thinking about it every day, asking myself the same questions over and over._

_Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Bring something up they would rather forget? Did I hurt them in any way? Physically? Emotionally? Did I unintentionally ignore them?_

_I believe that the answer is no to all of them, maybe I missed something though._

_But I'm sorry, even if I don't know what I did to upset all of you. I'm sorry._

_Now, to the few people who still remain by my side, to the people who didn't even know about this._

_Armin. Mikasa. Levi._

_I probably should have told you, and maybe this could have been fixed. I don't know why I decided to keep this all inside, but it's too late now, by time you've read this, I'll already be dead._

_I love you._

_I'm sorry, good bye.' ___

Levi dropped the note, he grit his teeth and clenched his fists. Refusing to let the sadness overwhelm him. 

He heard a splash and his head snapped in the direction of the bathroom door. Immediately he began kicking the door and throwing his weight at it while calling Eren. 

"Eren! You shitty brat! Open the fucking door! Eren! Eren! God fucking dammit, Eren! Open the door!" Levi begged and screamed, ignoring the pain he felt both physically and emotionally, "Open the door, shitty brat! For fuck's sake! Eren... open the door..." Levi pressed his back to the door and sunk to the floor, burying his face in his hands. The tears trickled through his fingers and fell onto the carpet. 

How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so oblivious to Eren's pain? The shitty brat was terrible at hiding his emotions, he was like an open book with flashy neon text that was just impossible to ignore. He should have been able to tell that something was wrong before it even happened. 

Levi didn't know how much time had passed when he eventually stood, but it felt like hours. His joints were stiff and his head ached from all the crying and sobbing. He stared at the bathroom door again and decided he would try one last time to get it open. 

When he wasn't panicking, one well placed kick to the lock sent the door flying open and banging against the wall. The man lost his balance for a second before charging into the room and over to the bath. 

There Eren sat, slumped forward, soaking wet, surrounded by water that was dyed red with blood. 

Levi could feel the tears starting up again and he didn't try to hold back the sobs escaping his throat. He grabbed Eren and buried his face in the young boys chest. 

It took a while for Levi to calm himself down again and that's when he noticed the steady thumping noise, repeating itself over and over. 

No. 

It couldn't be. 

He's dead. 

Dead. 

But Levi couldn't help but hope. 

He placed his ear over the centre of Eren's chest, and just slightly to the left. And there it was, the weak beat of Eren's heart. Levi gasped and held Eren close just listening to the quiet _thump, thump, thump_

And within seconds Levi was calling 999. He was barely able to get his words out, but soon enough he was told that an ambulance would arrive in about 30-40 minutes. Levi had growled at that, couldn't they be a tiny bit quicker? 

Levi had used the time to pull Eren out of the bath and wrap him tightly in a towel. He cradled Eren in his arms as he rocked back and forth and waited for the ambulance to arrive 

~~~KMD~~~ 

Eren had been in a coma for a week and had grown accustomed to the pitch black darkness, so the glare of the hospital room lights had practically blinded him when he finally blinked his eyes open. He had groaned and tried to roll over, but he was stopped as he was pulled into a suffocating hug and something was mumbled angrily into his hair. It sounded like, "You fucking idiot." 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna let you guys know that I hate how this came out

Levi was there with him. Holding him tightly, muttering things into Eren's hair, but his voice was quiet and muffled so he couldn't make out what he was saying exactly. But it was comforting and the teen clung to his lover's shirt tightly.

Eren found it relaxing, listening to the hushed words, feeling Levi's hand rubbing soothing circles on his back, but then he realised something.

He was in a hospital.

With Levi.

He was alive.

He was _alive._

Eren felt a sudden rush of anger and began struggling, trying to push Levi away. He was crying and pounding his fists against Levi's chest. "Why did you help me? Why? Damn it! I don't want to be here! Why didn't you let me die?! Why didn't you let me get away from all the hateful glares and angry words?!"

The older man growled and grabbed the teen's bandaged wrists, "Why are you so fucking stupid, Eren? Do you really have to ask why I helped you? I love you. I couldn't let you do away with yourself."

Eren spoke through gritted teeth, "I don't want to live knowing that all my friends are ignoring me. I don't want to live not knowing what I did to lose all of them. I hate not knowing, Levi, I hate it!" Tears of frustration, anger and sadness were beginning to spill down his cheeks.

Levi sighed and let go of Eren's wrists, moving his hands to his cheeks and using his thumbs to brush away the tears. "I think everyone hates not knowing, Eren." He pulled Eren into a hug again, "You know, your sister, Mikasa I think, beat the shit out of every single one of your so-called friends when she found out. And your blonde friend, Armin, just screamed at them and demanded answers, I never knew he could be so loud."

Eren just sniffled and nodded, he was still tired when he woke up and the shouting he had just done had worn him out completely. He took a shaky breath and forced himself to speak, "Did he...?" Eren asked, "Get answers, I mean."

"They said something about rumors." Levi answered, "You were spreading rumors apparently, horrible ones, hurtful ones. And your friends thought that it was you spreading them, so that's what started it all." Levi started running his fingers through Eren's hair, calming him. "But some boy confessed to starting them after he saw what Mikasa could do, she still beat him to a bloody pulp, he ended up having to get rushed to hospital.

"Those two came here after that, they stayed here overnight after kicking me out. I came back this morning, a little after they left, a couple hours later you woke up, and now here we are."

Eren had never heard Levi say so much at one time and he was content to just listen to his lover's voice. He felt Levi's hold on him tighten slightly, "I thought I'd fucking lost you, when I saw that note. You scared the fucking shit out of me. You've gotten better at hiding your emotions, a lot better, I should've noticed that your smile never reached your eyes, I've been neglectful."

Levi's voice was quiet, but it sounded... different. It was filled with hurt and fear. Eren looked up and saw the tears in the corners of Levi's eyes, he had never seen Levi like this before and he hated it. "The doctors said it was miracle, that you were still alive. You had bled out, but your heart was still beating... while they were putting you in the ambulance... all the way here... it never stopped."

"I'm sorry." Eren muttered, "I'm so sorry, for hurting you, I guess I was being kinda self-"

Levi cut him off by pressing their lips together and then pulled away, "Don't you dare apologise, don't you dare, Eren."

Eren smiled and wrapped his arms around Levi's neck, "I love you..."

"I love you too, shitty brat, let's just... let's just pretend this whole thing never happened."

"I think I like that idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they had sex, the end.

**Author's Note:**

> A chapter 2/part 2 has already been written out, let me know if you want me to post it


End file.
